a worthy 3 days escape- a stay at rajasthan!

The writer's block. . that is what happens and one is lost in the traffic jam of life. isn't it?I visited rajasthan recently , district jhunjhunu. It has prompted me to write again after years. why this long gap took birth , excuse me for that. so,it was rajasthan. you know the unpolished roads and the dust by the road side and those slim streets. . do we actually remember all this being in the metropolitan? finally stayed in the rooms provided by the temple authorities for the visitors. after a long travel what else one needs than a cosy bed , a good shower and a limited room. that feeling was awesome. how i wished to be alone there. absolutely alone. my mother accompanied me. those mornings were blessings i tell you. those temple bells, that music iin the ears and everyone so devoted and fresh and calm. no hustles of running to the job and gym and this and that. the dignified aura it was. the canteen had that lavish aroma of delicious yet light food. I realised we are trained here in the metropolitan to fight. to be angry. and not to be happy. that peace just made space inside me. the many times i opened the lock of the room, it was that feeling of taking rest and being easy. the stress level was zero and i realised i have another side of me too. that huge garden and that silence during the late night , i took long walks. watching the sky above and feeling the grass beneath my barefoot. how to attain that peace is a question. That room. That temple. That garden. Those people. That freedom to roam around without fear. aren't we free by birth?     

the piled up unanswered questions....

With plethora of questions in my mind i am left unaswered. People suggest not to think the much and i wish how wonderful it would have been if i was left illiterate...the very moment i say...NO ...NO ....AND MORE NO'S.....Final decision is that let the questions surround me and dissolve in the liquidity of time. The coming time would sweep these questions and it happens but not necessarily. I went into something indispensable few days ago. That "something" is approaching me once again. Qestion is TO BE OR NOT TO BE.....uhhhyyaaaaayya..

bewildered to approach people now...

after yesterday's heavy slaps on my face, today's day was nt tht easier. I thought that this night's gap would make things easier. It would give us time to think upon what we said and what all happened.
but no..things seem to have worsened...
.

I am wrong to be what I am....yes....

today I am actually feeling like writing...thanks to the person who hurted me badly but took me out from this block i am in since last 15 months or so.!
There is one aunty who is a friend to my mom.My mother is very attached to her but as a third person my judgement says that its a one way traffic.Her brother is quite young and is looking for a job.We have rooms at our home and she asked for him along with 2 other boys.They had been given but with a fear in my mom's mind that if anything goes wrong then the long friendship would be spoiled.I am the person who mix with people in seconds and emotional attachment is what i look forward to.so aunty's brother came closer to me.In the begining we didnt had any communication source except being face to face once or twice in a day but afterwards we got connected via. social networking sites and chat rooms and mobile numbers were also exchanged.our communication increased like anything. Since last two months we are badly in smsing and chating. we exchanged our personal matters too. before 2-3 days i felt as if he is certain kind of person who could not understand my humour.but unluckily I ignored. and today everything brushed up..everything....
I was on the terrace of my home and was drying up the clothes that i washed in the machine. The other tennant and me were having usual converstaion. suddenly i saw that after many a times once again the bulb of the loo was left on. Bhaiya were however not in their room that time. I asked the other tenant to switch it off and she said that bhaiya use to let it open. I agreed and said "yes i myself had seen many a times". In the meanwhile at that very moment aunty's brother came n said "haan tum to neeche se aati ho hamesha na light band karne k liye.."...i smiled and said "aajao lad lo aap main b ready hun"...this line of mine turned the tables in that stuation which i never ever dreamt of. offcourse as I am veryyyyy close to him so i was tryin to pull his leg but what he did was he approached his sister and angrily told them that "kalpana is playing oversmart...we r unable to live there". on the contrary i was comfortable in my home sitting and watching balika vadhu. in the midst of it aunty along with her husband came to our door with a red hot face and called up "kalpana"...i opened the gate and her first line was "tumne to bda mushkil kar dia hai bachon ka yahan rehna"..i was taken a back..she was shouting at our door step and my mother was feeling helpless. i tried to explain my part but all in vain. Uncle looked up at me in anger and aunty..huh!...she said..raising her pin pointed finger at me "apna gussa kabu karna sekho tum"..i was all wrapped up in silence....kaisa gussa?..kya maine gussa kiay>?...and recalled bhaiya's face in my mind..thought that the one who is so close to me could do this?...n i was shut but bewildered...scared and left the place at that very moment..my sis was boiling in anger and papa was equally angry as to we r close so we could talk and sort out the matter while sitting inside the home. finally aunty left and papa gave the decision to vacant the room.
i was quite...pacified...i went into the room lights off and fan on..my sister came and said "c now what is ur closeness resulting in...she switched on the light talked wid me n made me comfortable. Food came but it didnt passed through my throat.I was thinking and thinking. I was insulted badly before my parents. I knew that i did ntrhng wrong but also i wasnt sharing the eye contact with my parents. I was insulted before my parents and aunty took the impression that could never be washed.
My concern is only for my parents who were forced to lsiten to stupid non sensical talks just because of me.....
therfore i am wrong to be what i am....

the PEN without an owner...

my mighty pen is without an owner since long...phewww!...My writing faculties are not with me. There are so many issues i want to write upon...but..no...nthng is there which i can contribute ...or is it that i dnt want to???

its been very long...no?

i know...m writing in here after sooooooo long!
well..past is past...isse yaad aya..ek kavita padhiye zra...
Jeevan me ek siatar tha
mana wo behad pyara tha
woh doob gya to doob gya
ambar k anan ko dekho
kitne iske pyare choote
par bolo toote taron par
kab ambar shok mnata hai
Jo beet Gayi so baat gai....

Jeewan me tha wo ek kusum
the usspe nitya nochawar tum
wo sukh gya toh sukh gya
madhuvan ki chatthi ko dekho
sookhi kitni iski kaliyan
Jo murjhai fir kahan khili
par bolo sookhe phoolon pe
kab madhuvan shok mnata hai?
Jo beet gai so bat gai...
.....................
............by shri hariwansh rai bacchan shab.....

i liked it alot....
wud interact with u soon....

Om Shanti Om......I am a PEACEFUL soul~~~

The caption doesn't explain the state of my soul but of brahma kumaris. Actually my father was watching Astha channel today. So, while having the diner i also enjoyed it. It was a Talk show. The brahma Kumari was talking about the "pure soul". She explained giving an exmaple about a white sari. She said if one travels in a train continuosly for two days then the sari is bound to have spots out of it being dirty. Likewise, when we are born we are "pure" or simply "white" like a sari but the struggle of life sprinkles "spots" on our soul. The person who have knowledge would admire the beauty of sari to be white which is basic. The most convinient and successful way to re-vitalise our relations, she said, is to de-attach ourselves and then distinguish a personality with whom we have conflicts. Its a real fact that we all have positives as well as negatives. We need to take out the positives of the other person and try to relate them with our conscious mind. Doing that, would result in minimising the gap as whenever we would think ill of that person, the positives would surround our minds.
In all, de-attachment is the ultimate key to live a life..isn't it?